Wednesday, May 30, 2007


I just noticed a two-inch long horizontal cut on my leg. It's mostly healed now, but it looks like it may have been kinda deep. I have no memory of when where or how I got this injury, so clearly, something has been implanted in my leg while I was asleep.

Top 10 Things Potentially Implanted In My Leg While I Was Asleep:

10. Alien implant

9. Tracking device

8. Explosives

7. DVD Remote

6. Cigarettes

5. House Key

4. Grocery List

3. First Aid Kit

2. Ratchet Set

1. Allowance*

* My parents didn't believe in "allowance" when I was a kid, they thought it taught a poor work ethic to just give me money on a regular basis, so they would surgically implant it in my body while I slept. I would never know exactly where they put it, so I had to feel around my body for the lumpy, painful, stitched area. Then, when I had found the deposit, I had to cut the stitches and dig out the cash with my fingers or a kitchen spoon, which took a long time and hurt really bad. Sometimes I wouldn't be able to find it at all, and I would have to just wait until it got infected, then go to a doctor and have the doctor remove it. This all built a lot of character and taught me a lot about work ethic and saving money. I had to pay for the doctors with my allowance, too, so it also taught me about medical debt. My parents were really cool.

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