Tuesday, September 30, 2008


The wait is finally over, friends. It ran 2 minutes over Youtube's time limit so I had to split it into 2 parts.



Monday, September 29, 2008


My serial killer thriller teen family drama, SUNROOF, is following the path of such troubled but highly anticipated films as WATCHMEN and THE DARK KNIGHT, suffering through what we in Hollywood refer to as "development hell". I have one last delay to report---but I'm happy to tell you this is a short one.

SUNROOF will be released tomorrow instead of today. I'm ALMOST done with it, but I have to go to work in five minutes and probably won't be able to wrap this project until later tonight. So, since 7:00-11:00 AM on a workday is the internet-movie equivalent of an 8:00 Friday night premier for "real" movies, I'll be posting the finished movie tomorrow morning.

Get ready to laugh, cry, scream, and maybe eat a snack or something.

Don't open your SUNROOF!!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

SUNROOF trailer!

The bad news is: the planned release date for my serial killer thriller, SUNROOF, Sept 22, has been pushed back a week due to production delays. It will now premier next Monday, Sept 29.

The good news is: I have a trailer for you.


Friday, September 19, 2008

Volcano Taco

I was recently asked by a reader to review Taco Bell's latest entry in their increasingly cartoonish line of heart-stopping junk food: the ominously titled Volcano Taco.

I used to eat Taco Bell pretty much on the daily, during what I like to call my "college days"--ie, the period of my life where I would have been going to college, had I gone to college. Ever since "graduating", however, with my masters' in Not Going to College, I pretty much avoid fast food like something really nasty that everyone tries to avoid, I dunno, poop or something. Don't expect me to come up with good metaphors, I didn't go to college.

So the idea of eating this "Volcano Taco" sent shivers of nausea through my digestive tract, but since I love the idea of getting "requests" sent in by "fans", I decided to do it. On my way to Taco Bell, I was nearly lured away from my mission by Taco Del Mar, which is directly across the street. Today is Friday, you see, and at Taco Del Mar, that means it's FISH FRIDAY, and that means 2 fish tacos for 3.69! All I'd need is 2 loaves of bread and I could eat like Mexican Jesus. But no. I had a job to do.

I crossed the street, and ordered the taco. It cost $1.09. The drivethru lady seemed baffled. How could I survive off just one little dollar taco? I smirked and said, "I guess you folks don't get a lot of professional food critics in here. Obviously I can't have my sensitive pallette getting confused by any Steak Fajita Melts or Zesty Chicken Bowls, can I? Just one taco please. One...Volcano Taco." I said that with some dramatic breathiness to show her I meant it. She got the idea.

I got the taco. I considered taking it home, but decided I should eat it in the Taco Bell parking lot for maximum authenticity. To really soak up the vibe. When I opened the taco, the first thing that caught my eye was the corn tortilla shell. It was red. I had seen this on the poster, of course, and based on that poster I had expected the shell to be covered in pseudo-delicious flavor powder. It was not. It was just a regular taco shell, dyed a vivid, eczema red. Yum.

Inside the flamboyant shell, basically what we have is a taco. With hot sauce. There's the shredded cheddar cheese, there's the shredded iceberg lettuce, there's the finely ground powdered-beef, and saturating it all, there's the thick, oozing hot sauce, which is actually just gas-station nacho cheezz pumped full of chili powder. So that's it. That's the Volcano Taco. The name seems a bit hyperbolic for a taco that's not even particularly spicy. Maybe the "Volcano" refers to what awaits me on the toilet later this evening.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Darkwing Duck

I haven't been doing a lot of updates lately, as I've been pouring all my time into writing a zombie romance novel and making horrifically offensive videos, so to hold you over while you wait for the world premier of SUNROOF, allow me to give you this list of interesting ways Darkwing Duck's catchphrase "Let's get dangerous!" has been translated for various overseas broadcasts....

Danish Lad os s� vove fjerene! Now let's risk our feathers!

Dutch Laten we lekker link gaan doen! Let's get really risky!

French �a va craindre un max! It's gonna get scary big time!

German Zwo, Eins, Risiko! Two, one, danger!

Hindi Ho Jaye Khatron Se Takkar (?? ??? ????? ?? ??????) Let's tackle danger!
Indonesian Hadang bahaya!! Charge the danger!

Italian Dagli addosso, Duck! Go for it, Duck!

Japanese ??????????!
Danger is calling me!

Korean ?? ???! Go ahead and attack me!

Mandarin Chinese ?????! Let me do some destruction!

Norwegian La oss bli farlige! Let's become dangerous!

Polish Oj, powieje groza! Oh, it's gonna be dangerous!

Portuguese(Brazil) Vamos encarar o perigo! Let's face danger!

Russian ??-??, ?? ?????! Clear the propeller!

Clear the.....? Nevermind.

NOTE: SUNROOF will premier next monday, Sept 22nd!



Saturday, September 6, 2008

My latest Craigslist sale

Trader Joe's brand toilet paper 12 pack -- 8 packs remaining - $3 (Balard)

Reply to: sale-830784186@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-06, 7:07PM PDT

I am selling my 12 pack of Trader Joe's brand toilet paper. The package is open but the toilet paper is NOT USED. There are 8 rolls left in the pack. I used the first 4, but would like to sell the rest. I have upgraded to Cottonelle 2-ply with Aloe and E, and no longer want the Trader Joe's rolls in my house. There is nothing wrong with this toilet paper, it gets the job done, but I found it a little on the abrasive side. I have come to realize that you can judge a lot about a person by the quality of the toilet paper they bring into their home. The price difference between quality levels is negligible compared to the ways in which it affects your life and the way you feel on many deep levels. That being said, this is not a "bad" toilet paper, I have just moved on. Let me know if you are interested, I would like to sell by the end of Sept, as I have nowhere to store this extra toilet paper right now.