Sunday, April 26, 2009

"This Dinosaur Loves You!" - new story

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Dream Latency

Here's something weird and trippy and weird I've been experiencing lately:
I'm in a dream. The dream suddenly starts to get scary and then something abrupt and shocking happens in the dream, an explosion or a monster or something. A split second later I jolt awake to something abrupt and shocking happening in real life. My phone rings, someone knocks on my door, the camera tripod by my bed falls over and crashes against my bed. (Don't ask why the tripod is there, it's not what you think!)

But I'm not waking up AS the shocking event is happening. I'm waking up slightly BEFORE.

Now I'm not going to propose that I'm dreaming a couple seconds into the future. But is there some kind of "latency" going on here? Some time lag between my conscious and subconscious? Is my real-world sensory input actually "buffering" in my brain so that when I wake up, the playback doesn't happen till slightly later? Hence, my dream reality reacting to external events BEFORE I actually perceieve those events happening?

This is still pretty fascinating to think about, but in my semi-conscious stupor this morning it was truly mind-blowing. Suggestion: Go to sleep, then wake up and read this again. Also maybe smoke some marijuana.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Shufflethoughts 2

I saw a man standing at an ATM machine today wearing a helmet and I thought, I didn't know ATM machines were that dangerous. Then I saw a motorcycle parked next to him and I thought, he's probably going to use that to get away from the ATM machine.

If Homeless People are the new Pirates, what are those guys in Somalia who attack ships? Just plain ordinary criminals my friend, and there's nothing glamorous about that.
Alternate answer: Sea Vampires.

Please find attached: worst daycare sign ever.

Monday, April 20, 2009


Conversation that took place in my head while passing two rough dudes on the sidewalk:

"Yo man gimmie your wallet, we're rough dudes and we want your wallet so give it."

"You guys aren't rough, I just saw you giving directions to that nun back there."

"Fine, forget it."

New good idea for a good product:

White ivory "grillz" shaped like real human teeth, for the more tasteful pimp. Be tasteful, Pimp--don't flaunt your grillz. You know you have them, and that's enough.

Concept in need of definition:

"Makeout Movie"

A film that has just the right balance of amusement and forgetability to be used as background noise for a makeout session. Usually a lighthearted comedy or something you would never waste your time on under normal circumstances.

Sometimes important films become Makeout Movies by accident, leading to the condition of having "sortof" seen the film. I.E, you remember clearly the first 30-45 minutes, but the second half is a vague blur remembered mainly through your periphery vision, which has a very low resolution. This can happen with the most unlikely, unromantic of films.

Example: "Have I seen Pan's Labrynth? Yeah....I think so....I definitely remember some creepy shit going on at the beginning...umm......didn't a guy get his cheek sliced open at one point or......umm....?" (blush)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Musical stylings

For those of you who maintain an interest in my musical stylings, I have a new song for your perusal. Another of these strange experiments with the far upper reaches of my vocal range, eschewing actual instruments in favor of alot of wonky vocal fuckery. Although Jared's guitar does make a cameo appearance. Jared also played bass. The percussion is me hitting various things.

This is a very rough draft song, just trying out some new ideas. Been strangely fascinated by this primitive tribal chorale thing lately. Expect to see this song, in some form on some future album, in the year 20X6.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Police Luxury

If you think OUR government spends money frivolously, have a look at Hamburg, Germany, where the standard police cruiser is a brand new Mercedes E-class sedan.

It must be nice for the people of Germany to know that while out writing traffic tickets and busting pot dealers their cops are enjoying:

Tire Pressure Monitoring System
Heated Outside Mirrors
Heated Wiper/Washers
Heated / Air Conditioned Seats
� Quad Climate Zones
� Air suspension
Premium Interior Trim

Leather-Wrapped Steering Wheel
Blue Tooth Compatible

And so on and so forth.
Do you think rappers in Germany still brag about driving Benzes when Benzes are the cop car? Maybe instead they brag about driving tricked out Ford Crown Victorias!