Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Dear web designers...

I will pay you 50 U.S dollars right here right now if you can show me how to make the domain connect directly to without having to put the blog in a frame like I've done here. It's maximum annoying, as you know, because no matter where you go in the site now, the address is always just, making it impossible to copy links from any of the pages. Please help a webtech dinosaur.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Meet Joe Regal

Well friends, I have something pretty big to tell you. Since I first started writing at the tender, nerdy age of 16, since the moment I completed the unreadable 1000-page fantasy epic that kickstarted my life of writing, I've been dreaming of the day a literary agent would look my way, pick up my book, take it out into the big scary world and get it published.

Please welcome Mr. Joe Regal of Regal Literary. As of today, Joe is my agent. He sold The Time Traveler's Wife. Now he's going to sell Warm Bodies.

There've been alot of crazy, unexpected, pleasant surprises happening with this book lately, alot of "icing", but Joe--and getting the book published--is the cake. I'm...really really excited.

More news to follow...


Friday, May 8, 2009

Kidz Bop

It recently came to my attention that some marketing genius/lunatic/pedophile is releasing albums of Top 40 hits "remixed" for happy choirs of pre-adolescent children. The logic being, I guess, that actual kids will hear the new versions and think, "Hey! I recognize that vocal timbre! That's a KID! I am now able to relate to this song!"

Here are a few of the more bizzare juxtapositions of singers' age/lyrical content...

Poop Land

Actual dialogue between me and two children in my car:

Me: Ok guys I'm rolling up the windows now.

Damien(3): No!!

Alex(5): Nooo!!

Me: It's too cold!

Damien: You MEAN Isaac! Me hit you!

Alex: Yeah Isaac you're mean.

Me: Come on, we're on the freeway, it's too cold and windy.

Damien: Me shoot you!

Me: No, come on now.

Alex: Yeah me and Damien are going to shoot you!

Damien: Yeah me and BuhBuh shoot you and cut you in half and eat you!

Me: Woah! You're gonna EAT me??

Damien: Yeah! Me put you in toilet and flush you!
(erupts into laughter)

Alex: (erupts into laughter)

Me: That's a bit harsh.

Damien: Me flush you! Me flush you Isaac!

Alex: Wait but he won't fit in the toilet.

Me: Yeah, exactly.

Damien: We have to just put your foot in toilet.

Me: No. I don't want to go in the toilet, it's gross. There's poop in there.

Damien: (erupts into laughter)

Alex: (erupts into laughter)

Damien: You go in the toilet with poo poo!

Me: If you flush me down the toilet I'm taking you both down with me.

Damien: No!

Alex: No!

Me: Yes. While I'm spinning around in there I'm gonna grab your legs and drag you down with me to Poop Land.

Damien: No YOU go to Poop Land!

Me: No YOU go to Poop Land!

Damien: No YOU!

Me: I'm taking you with me to Poop Land, where everything is poop.

Damien: Nooo!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Well that was quick!

Wow you guys.

You just bought all 25 new copies of Warm Bodies in like 3 days.


If there were any stragglers who missed out again, I'm sorry... It's a zombie-eat-human world. :'(

Monday, May 4, 2009

WARM BODIES -- 25 more copies

After the first print run of 100 copies rapidly sold out, I got alot of frantic letters from the "Yeah dude I'll totally buy it when I dig up some cash" crowd. The thing about that crowd is they rarely actually dig up that cash. I think it's because in modern times, Banks have mostly replaced The Ground as the ideal place to store money. Although that might have reversed again recently. Anyway, Jeffery Lebowski insists, "THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOSE!". But today, the bums win! I've decided I can't bear their heartbreaking moans and mewling anymore, so I'm taking a chance and risking a reprint.

The printers are now printing 25 more copies, which should be ready in about a week. I highly suggest ordering now if you want to make sure you get one, because there are alot of angry, hungry bums out there in the internet, and this WILL be the LAST reprint I ever do, SWEAR TO DINOSAUR JESUS.

Get em while they're warm!

WARM BODIES 2: Even Warmer

I'm thinking about getting 25 more copies of this book made:

I need to know:
How many people would definitely buy one?